Teacher gives her A
So, I am really in a quandry. Perhaps it's age. Perhaps its wisdom. I think that a few years ago I might have sided with this Lafave chick. In reality, I would have been one of those idiots spewing some shit like, "Where was she when I was 14??" (I think I actually said that last night on the phone to my brother. Tried to get a laugh. None was forthcoming)
But, truth be told. I want to ask what the F is going on here, but then I am reminded of my friend, Eric, from when I was 13.
Eric lived in Bar Harbor, and had been in about 5 different foster homes. There was a moment when my parents wanted to take him in and I didn't know whether that would be a good idea or not. So, I asked them not to do it. At the time was afraid that Eric would have been more popular than I was (read: not at all) and I would be jealous, etc. The weird thing is, I haven't spoken to or seen Eric since 1984, but had we taken him in, I would be talking to him every day. Crazy.
But, the thing about Eric, and volumes could be written about him, is he was blessed with, even though just 5 foot, the physique of an adult male. And his "maleness" was something that would have a made a grown man cry out of jealousy.
Now, you might think, great, abused foster kid with a Dirk Diggler, so what?
Well, I thought the same thing at the time, til I caught Eric making out with a 19 year old nurse. And it wasn't the last time I would be witness to stuff like this. Eric was.....the unluckiest kid in 9000 ways and lucky in the way that all 14 year olds (or 19, or 28, or 35 year olds) wish they could be.
So, I wish I could be surprised about Debra Lafave. But I'm not.
But, I want to know why it is so easy for our society to accept a grown woman falling "in love" with an underage boy. Or blames it on being "bi-polar" and we just go, no problem, got it.
Because if you turn this story around and upside down, and it's some 20-something MALE teacher who was banging a 14 year old girl, we would never see nor hear from this guy again, except when he was offed in prison.
And, I just don't get it.
UNLESS, it's because society already thinks women are helpless victims. Why else? I mean, a man should be a MAN and control his urges, despite the fact that 15 year old girls dress more provacatively now than they ever have. They are, as teens, beginning to discover and exert their sexual power over boys. (And I am NOT condoning men engaging in statutory rape, I just want to be clear) But, why are we not as harsh with women when they rape young boys? Why aren't we locking them up and tossing the key?
Because women can't help themselves? They are still considered second class citizens? Is that it?
Look, when we watch "The Biggest Loser" (And, in our house, unfortunately we TiVo this kind of shit) we are constantly forced to see overweight men parade topless on their weigh-ins but the women have to cover up. Why? Because we sexualize their breasts. Even though the men's breasts are, oftentimes, bigger than the women's. Mine are bigger than many women I ahve dated. So, a female booby is something to be hidden. Because MEN will salivate upon looking at it. If a woman salivates at looking at chiseled, topless man, that's okay, I guess. I really don't understand why.
So, a female teacher bones her underage student, declares bi-polar disorder and gets off.
Flip the situation and the guy goes to jail for life......
In a related story, a woman who engaged in a videotaped orgy went to court to file rape charges. When the tape of the event was shown in court it revealed that she was a willing participant. She directed the action and encouraged it. Without that tape the men go to jail for the rest of their lives. With the tape they get off scott free. In a world of "her word vs their word" the woman is the victim. How could she have POSSIBLY been a willing participant? After all, she's a woman, she must have been coerced, forced, raped.
But, she wasn't.
Isn't it time we started to treat women as equals? That we stop victimizing them and, in doing so, victimizing those who get involved with them? It only prepetuates a disservice to women and their quest to be taken as equals. In short, I am advocating equal sentencing for statutory rape (either be more lenient on the men or more harsh with the women) and a more casual atitude toward women's boobies.
Debra Lafave. Poster girl for the "Women are Victims" society of America. And a teacher.
But, truth be told. I want to ask what the F is going on here, but then I am reminded of my friend, Eric, from when I was 13.
Eric lived in Bar Harbor, and had been in about 5 different foster homes. There was a moment when my parents wanted to take him in and I didn't know whether that would be a good idea or not. So, I asked them not to do it. At the time was afraid that Eric would have been more popular than I was (read: not at all) and I would be jealous, etc. The weird thing is, I haven't spoken to or seen Eric since 1984, but had we taken him in, I would be talking to him every day. Crazy.
But, the thing about Eric, and volumes could be written about him, is he was blessed with, even though just 5 foot, the physique of an adult male. And his "maleness" was something that would have a made a grown man cry out of jealousy.
Now, you might think, great, abused foster kid with a Dirk Diggler, so what?
Well, I thought the same thing at the time, til I caught Eric making out with a 19 year old nurse. And it wasn't the last time I would be witness to stuff like this. Eric was.....the unluckiest kid in 9000 ways and lucky in the way that all 14 year olds (or 19, or 28, or 35 year olds) wish they could be.
So, I wish I could be surprised about Debra Lafave. But I'm not.
But, I want to know why it is so easy for our society to accept a grown woman falling "in love" with an underage boy. Or blames it on being "bi-polar" and we just go, no problem, got it.
Because if you turn this story around and upside down, and it's some 20-something MALE teacher who was banging a 14 year old girl, we would never see nor hear from this guy again, except when he was offed in prison.
And, I just don't get it.
UNLESS, it's because society already thinks women are helpless victims. Why else? I mean, a man should be a MAN and control his urges, despite the fact that 15 year old girls dress more provacatively now than they ever have. They are, as teens, beginning to discover and exert their sexual power over boys. (And I am NOT condoning men engaging in statutory rape, I just want to be clear) But, why are we not as harsh with women when they rape young boys? Why aren't we locking them up and tossing the key?
Because women can't help themselves? They are still considered second class citizens? Is that it?
Look, when we watch "The Biggest Loser" (And, in our house, unfortunately we TiVo this kind of shit) we are constantly forced to see overweight men parade topless on their weigh-ins but the women have to cover up. Why? Because we sexualize their breasts. Even though the men's breasts are, oftentimes, bigger than the women's. Mine are bigger than many women I ahve dated. So, a female booby is something to be hidden. Because MEN will salivate upon looking at it. If a woman salivates at looking at chiseled, topless man, that's okay, I guess. I really don't understand why.
So, a female teacher bones her underage student, declares bi-polar disorder and gets off.
Flip the situation and the guy goes to jail for life......
In a related story, a woman who engaged in a videotaped orgy went to court to file rape charges. When the tape of the event was shown in court it revealed that she was a willing participant. She directed the action and encouraged it. Without that tape the men go to jail for the rest of their lives. With the tape they get off scott free. In a world of "her word vs their word" the woman is the victim. How could she have POSSIBLY been a willing participant? After all, she's a woman, she must have been coerced, forced, raped.
But, she wasn't.
Isn't it time we started to treat women as equals? That we stop victimizing them and, in doing so, victimizing those who get involved with them? It only prepetuates a disservice to women and their quest to be taken as equals. In short, I am advocating equal sentencing for statutory rape (either be more lenient on the men or more harsh with the women) and a more casual atitude toward women's boobies.
Debra Lafave. Poster girl for the "Women are Victims" society of America. And a teacher.
posted by Allen Lulu | 1:04 PM
4 Comments:
In regard to Ms Lefave personally, I think the hawt shots with the hogs show that there is something going on here in regard to the way we represent sex that shouldn't be surprising when we consider the same person was having sex with a young boy in an SUV. Of equal value is that not only did the woman pose for these shots, but the article finger-wagging her behavior published them - no doubt they think the perv is also pretty hot. Two birds, one stone.
All in all, it's a perfect example of how messed up Americans are sexually - to a really distressing degree. We were in Target tonight and while walking past the teen girl clothing section, Jana and I did a double take at the skirt lengths this year - saying there is actually a length to them is being pretty kind. And the cut-off shorts that are out barely have cloth in the crotch. Which is to say, I doubt the girls who buy these are necessarily slutty, easy, well-travelled, but, they sure look it, and we have a societal system - as well as a commercial one - that allows regular stores to sell very young girls such items - girls who don't quite understand the total implications of such items, I honestly don't think.
And so we have a system where it is not Lefave in the back seat of her SUV as the only authority figure taking sexual advantage of an underling, but all of us are in that position, our whole entire nation. We sell sex to 13 year olds, we sit by and watch it happen, and then we shake our heads when someone acts on it. Frankly. I think America whores its kids and it's pretty awful to look at. It's one thing whe we were young and there is no institutionalized way to sexualize the presentation of your teen years - it was a fumbling endeavor for most but a few. But now, the biggest most clueless idiot can buy a thong.
I would also suggest that sexual interest in the young belongs exclusively to neither male or female and examples of people acting out in that manner have gone on for centuries. I think the molestation of boys is just now coming out because women have felt more empowered in recent decades to take more risks to that end - god knows, men have felt that empowered for hundreds of thousands of years, whether they were molesting boys or girls. Also, to the media, it is a tittilating novelty and, as such, they will report on it more.
I would suggest that, to some people, women are a commodity only applicable to sexual pleasure - but I would also follow that up with the idea that the young, generally, are also viewed that way by the more heinous in the world, regardless of sex. And what that comes down to is subordinates, however you perceive those beneath you. exist to be exploited in ways to satisfy you. And in some cases, that is going to involve women being the wrongdoers. I saw an interesting Frontline called "Sex Slaves" that was examining the trade in the Ukraine. What interested me was that, although there were plenty of men involved - including the big bosses - there were also so many women involved, happily selling out women to a life of horror.
The lesson? Men and women both have the same capability to be monsters. I can't imagine this is news to anyone who has been paying attention to real life.
Well said, John. I have to admit, the bird IS hot. That presents a dilemma to me that I am loathe to go into here.
The bassist in my band is half Japanese and travels there every year. He is constantly telling me about how a) ridiculously sexy the teenage girls dress and b) how prudish they are. Wish American mores would follow. I think a lot of our problems have to do with our pent up Ultra conservative sexual frustration.
Listen, I hav a daughter. Sometimes I want to throttle clothing manufacturers when she and my wife go shopping for clothes. I get torn between am I old or are things really messed up?
Regarding selling sex to 13 year olds I was wondering if you might do me favor.
There is a show on MTV called "Date my Mom". It's, of course, ridiculous, made up, embarassing bullshit. But, there is something far more sinister going on in that show than any other that comes to mind.
Let me backtrack a sec.
I wasn't upset about Janet Jackson's booby on the Superbowl. I thought it was bs the way it was handled. I can't believe the fall out from one tit. But the real issue here is what is up with Viacom and MTV Networks.
All day that day of the Super Bowl there was, what I remember to be a celebration of the Super Bowl on Nickelodeon. They were hawking that shit all the livelong day. There was no way for teenies to aoid it and not be pumped up to watch by day's end.
Then this half time show, produced by MTV, another Viacom network, which could scarcely be appropriate for 14 year olds pops up and the boob pops out.
Now, I have my own feelings on the appropriateness of a a violent sport, (so violent that as players become more adept they have to pad and protect themselves so they don't die) being considered "family entertainment", but that is another story. The fact is, they sold this show to kids and then went ahead and sold sex to kids.
Okay, we agree on the selling of sex to kids phenom and the dangers of it. But, who got the slap on the wrist? CBS? Janet J.? yes. Where was MTV's culpability?
Which brings me back to "Date my Mom". This show is ENTIRELY scripted reality. The setups are blatant and vintage 70's era porn-esque. The teenage girl casually holding a guitar she obviusly has no idea how to play while "waiting" for mom to come back from her date with the intended suitor, "surprised" when mom walks throught the door....the dialogue is lame. It's lamer than Jerry Springer.
But, it's the cutaway commentaries taht get me. During one date a 38 year old mother pulled her top down and flashed the 20 year old "suitor". Okay, was that bad? Well, it doesn't speak well for people of our age group and the way they choose to present themselves.
But what was worse to me was the cutaway.
The boy looked at the camera and was encouraged to "joke": "I'll be a MotherBLANKer." Okay, just what message is being sent here?
I get it on lameass programs like "Elimidate" and "Blind Date", but those shows are subtle compared to DMM.
The biggest problem with this show? It does not fall under FCC guidleines, ( I Know because the FCC told me they won't pursue programming on cable, which doesn't fall under their jurisdiction).
I'm not a prude, John. Of all people you know that about me. But, this is programming that is aimed DIRECTLY at the youth market. And I say youth meaning 14 year olds.
But, nobody is watching. Nobody really cares. And this is what is unfortunate.
I wish you would watch a few episodes of DMM, if only to see if I am right. And if I am maybe there is an article out there for you.
Horrendous.
Well, one of the first mistakes any of us make is that every single 14 year old is incapable of dealing with the sexual knowledge that is being foisted on them in this day and age. I really don't think it is that different from math and reading, but much like in education, we really have to teach to the middle, which is a method of precaution. Especially is we are going to have a "mass media," meaning, in its rawest form, a media that serves everyone, not just pockets. That is why so much of television is so crappy - it doesn't often pay to appeal to the high end and often when it does, it is the high end as funneled through hot looking actors and actresses.
That all said, I think it is hardly advisable, no matter how wise or how mature the 13 year old girl is, to stick her in Daisy Dukes that barely have a crotch. Part of the reasoning for that is all the obvious stuff having to do with sexuality, but I think that more it haas to do with self-esteem (and I don't mean feeling good about oneself, rather understanding where one derives one's self-worth) as it does sexuality.
Take Louise Brooks. She is often lauded for her early appearance as the personification of untamed sexuality, but if you know much about her life, it was that very trait that caused her to self-destruct and it was only once she had become incapable of relying on her sexuality as an older, lame woman that she was able to let what made her truly attractive take over the presentation - her brain and spirit.
What I mean by bringing that up is that it is not your private part - or the flirty act of seem to reveal that part - that creates sexiness or sexual excitment. There is a central command in a human being called their personality and their intelligence that works the presentation of the parts and, as such, thongs are merely tools by which the artist works with the materials given, if you know what I mean.
And that is the subtlety you can't teach young people on an across the board basis - it's hard to make clear to them that the affectation of sexuality is just a byproduct. Unfortunately, because of the way television works - and movies to some degree - it is the affectation is turned into commodity and therefore given false importance in our society, especially among those with little in the way of real life experience. The problem is that much like TV can't give any real analysis of politics, it also gives pretty lame attention to emotion and relationships and sexuality and it is a horrible place to learn about these things and, frankly, I think most movies are as well. The only movies that perhaps offer any sort of actual study of these human parts of us are the types of movies that most Americans find tedious anyhow.
So, I can't watch the 'Date My Mom' show - which definitely sounds heinous - because I don't have MTV. I only have broadcast cable and i barely use that as it is. I turned my back on popular culture a long time ago - culturally, I'm a hermit, I admit that. I don't listen to radio, I read few magazines, I don't follow entertainment news, and I don't watch live TV with anything remotely resembling regularity. I have no idea who most celebrities are, except for the ones I see on the tabloids in the grocery store. I just don't care.
On the occasion I do encounter broadcast television, I am usually appalled - more often by the commercials than the actual shows. For instance, the Olympics, which was filled with sleazy commercials and even a few sleazy athlete profiles - and we won't even get into the sick sexualization of underaged ice skaters, many of whom are destined to be chewed out and spit up.
It seems to me that one of the things you learn with age is that the initial reasons you case I can safely say that 100% of my male friends care far less about having a hottie as their mate as they do a companion or partner or friend. In my experience, even the most shallow people want not to be lonely. You'll notice, interestingly, that a lot of the women like Lefave end up having children with the underaged boy, claiming to be married, claiming to be in love. I think that is very telling about the person - it seems so many of them aren't totally in it for sex, but also for love, companionship, the same things anyone else is in it for. Yet you have to wonder why they make their stand in regard to such a young lover.
Is it control? Is it alienation from their contemporaries? Is it the fetishization of youth or a desire for the fountain of youth? Is it low self esteem? Is it because they are so stupid that they can only deal with a 14 year old intellect? Is it because a 14 year old is the only person they can have authority over?
Is it natural human behavior?
A century ago, young girls were married off routinely, largely in business transactions. In this day and age, it's much less frequent, but that still happens in certain strata of American society and happens WAY too often overseas. And if we aren't marrying them, we are sexualizing them to a disgusting degree - take a look at Japan and how this treatment of young girls has created systems of accepted prostitution within the business class.
So, on one hand, you could paint these women as seeking a kind of historical retribution in the name of girls - molestation with commitment, if you want!
Whatever the case, human beings seem inclined to prey on the young - as commodities, as workers . . . as hopes for the future that we pin all our failures onto to correct, as things to hate because they have their chance and we lost ours. Ask every underaged factory worker that ever existed the ways in which we prey on the young. It goes far beyond sex -= it's just that each predator chooses his or her own weapon, you see?
The same crimes keep happening over and over and over through the ages, they just take the form of the times in their specifics.
In regard to the way we treat kids, here's a story from the Washington Post about a girl who was abducted when she was 14.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/22/AR2006032202150.html
The issues of sentencing that you bring up aside (I'm purposely staying away from that because I'm unfamiliar enough with Lefave's defense and the trend in sentencing such women that I don't feel qualified to comment, though I also tend to think that the sentencing issue is just the tail end part of an obviously much larger one which I am addressing) I find it interesting that this involves a school person who takes an obsessive interest in a student and exacts control. That seems to be the formula.
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